Some of the 20 worst jokes

All these jokes have been discovered on the website of the German weekly magazine, "Der Spiegel". They are the result of a user survey looking for the 20 worst jokes.
Translation done by us.

Two chocolates fall down a flight of stairs. Says the first: "I think I broke all my rips". Replies the other: "I feel even worse, I fell on my nuts".

Ring, ring, ring. "Good morning, do you have prezels?" - "Sorry, boy. But we will have prezels tomorrow." The next day: Kling, Klang, Klong. "Good morning, do you have prezels?" - "Yes, my dear boy. We have prezels." - "Do you have prezels with topping and crums?" - "No, boy! But we will have prezels with topping and crums tomorrow." The next day: Ring, ring, ring. "Good morning, do you have prezels with topping and crums?" - "Yes, my dear boy. We have prezels with topping and crums?" - "Do you have prezels with topping and crums and the writing 'For my mother's birthday' on top"?" - "No, boy! But we will have prezels with topping and crums and the writing 'For my mother's birthday' on top tomorrow." The next day: Ring, ring, ring. "Good morning, do you have prezels with topping and crums and the writing 'For my mother's birthday' on top?" - "Yes, my dear boy. We have prezels with topping and crums and the writing 'For my mother's birthday' on top. Shall I wrap you one?" - "No thanks, I just eat it like this."

Why do blondes go to the movie theatres in large groups? - Because the movies are rated 18.

Two tomates meet on a road. Says one: "Hey, take care, here comes a car." Says the other: "Goodbye, Ketchup."

85 percent of all women consider their a*s too fat - but 15 percent would remarry him again.

"Waiter! There is a hearing aid in my soup." - "What?"

Two wanderers meet in the desert. Asks the first "Why do you carry this phone booth with you?" Answers the other one: "If a lion approaches, I go in the phone booth and close the door fast. But why do you carry this heavy stone with you?" - "If a lion comes, I will drop the stone so that I can run faster."

Two drunkards in the swimming pool. Says one: "Come, finish your drink, we want to go."

Two cows meet. Says one: "Mooh." Says the other "The same thing I also wanted to say."

A man goes to the market and asks for "two pounds of tomatoes". Replies the vendor: "It is called now kilo". Surprised the man answers: "Oilei, no longer tomatoes?"

"Do you know already the latest joke from the Bureau of Statistics?" - "Maybe..."

Yells the nurse: "Doctor, doctor, the patient faking sickness in room 7 has passed away!" The doctor replies: "Now he is really overdoing it..."

Why does the Fiji Navy no longer has submarines? - Last Sunday was "Open door day".
PS: Originally this joke refers to Austria, a completely land-locked country

Two fuel tanks meet. Asks the first: "So, how does it go?" - "Normal. What about you?" - "Super."

What is red with two green stripes and drives up and down? - Two tomatoes with suspenders in a lift.

A pedestrian asks a fisherman: "Isa lei, do they bite?" Answers the fisherman: "Sega, you can caress them."